Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize