I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
