But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Two words: blizzard sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
