It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
