I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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