i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
