I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
