They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
