you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
