If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
