It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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