i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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