I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
