PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
