New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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