I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize