Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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