He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm really busy with my period
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