I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
