Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
