i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
