So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
