sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
