i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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