Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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