Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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