i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
