woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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