one might say we're banned from that church
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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