Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
