What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
