There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
