And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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