shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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