No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My feet surprised me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
