I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
