I accidentally had phone sex last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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