Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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