i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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