honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
