you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
