My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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