Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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