Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
