There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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