I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
