there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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