I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
