Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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