thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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