The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His hands were made for my vagina.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
