did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
