the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
