I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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