There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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