I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need moral support for this bender
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
