Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sponge bath it is.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
