I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
