The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
