rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
