just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
