Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
