Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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