i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
