Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize