then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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