did you get engaged???
you didnt know i had herpes?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
